tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-340302372012-01-29T16:54:41.930-08:00Job Searching Tips, or, How Not to Aggravate a RecruiterIll Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.comBlogger2021100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-11424891383809507812009-08-31T23:37:00.000-07:002009-08-31T23:39:42.205-07:00

USING A SCRIPT FONT ON A WORD DOC IS NOT A SIGNATUREUSING A SCRIPT FONT ON A WORD DOC IS NOT A SIGNATUREUSING A SCRIPT FONT ON A WORD DOC IS NOT A SIGNATUREUSING A SCRIPT FONT ON A WORD DOC IS NOT A SIGNATUREUSING A SCRIPT FONT ON A WORD DOC IS NOT A SIGNATUREUSING A SCRIPT FONT ON A WORD DOC IS NOT A SIGNATUREUSING A SCRIPT FONT ON A WORD DOC IS NOT A SIGNATUREUSING A SCRIPT FONT ON A WORD DOC

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-79954330660605075342009-07-20T00:43:00.000-07:002009-07-20T00:46:08.567-07:00

Cuz there is just something very sweet and humble about it. I do not approve of personal info on a resume, but if you must, this is the maximum of what is allowed before you are going to elicit a response of irritation rather than "Well that's kind of nice."OTHER INTERESTS - Passion for technology and its practical applications - Web and graphic design - Playing Frisbee at the park with my

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-19141729038725172672009-07-09T11:49:00.000-07:002009-07-09T11:50:50.594-07:00

No judgments, mind you, I support the small businessman.

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-80226851097887272672009-06-25T15:04:00.000-07:002009-06-25T15:17:09.478-07:00

...because if you are not, your list of skills might sound less like you are a potentially quite valuable employee who can speak multiple languages, and more like you are the crappy parent of a potentially quite valuable employee who can speak multiple languages.From resume: Bilingual Partially raised a spanish speaker Spanish major Formal written and verbal translation

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-37090520731732343362009-06-25T13:41:00.000-07:002009-06-25T13:42:20.290-07:00

Interest listed on resume:Reading books written by James Patterson

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-83515123012366636962009-06-24T00:26:00.000-07:002009-06-24T00:29:11.171-07:00

A candidate applied to our position directly and when asked for resume, entered:Resume is on www.Monster.com undersales manager

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-28522025757009654752009-06-18T14:21:00.001-07:002009-06-25T13:42:53.504-07:00

1. Spelling. Some areas of focus: a. "I before E except after C." b. If your instinct tells you "Use an A!" question it. Question it closely. c. If these prove problematic, consider using the spell check function on your computer.2. Periods, and when to use them. Related: Run-on sentences, and what they are.From resume:"My experiance in the sales and finance feild has been long lasting and I

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-48780592321075239762009-05-19T12:21:00.000-07:002009-05-19T12:22:05.858-07:00

Unless you are applying to study at Clown College or to work at a scrapbooking store or childcare centers, smiley faces have no place on your resume. One to grow on.

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-87242967361661267222009-05-11T00:42:00.000-07:002009-05-11T00:46:26.865-07:00

This is nitpicky, but when you are selling nitpicking, close up those parantheses, Sharp Eyes.Writing/Editing Help - Grammar is my forte.Hello,I am offering my stellar writing and editing skills to those in need!If you are a student, struggling to piece together a coherent paper, I can help! If your grammar or spelling is subpar, and you need a set of sharp eyes to fix all your semantic blunders

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-4200086957381446552009-05-01T09:26:00.000-07:002009-05-19T12:23:02.493-07:00

(Ring, ring, pick up the phone, greetings exchanged)Candidate: You called me about a job. Me: Yes we are looking for [highly-specific job] in the area.Candidate: Oh, well, I'm now doing this other kind of job and I'm not looking for something else.Me: Oh, okay.Candidate: I did do [highly-specific job] for about three years. I still have [highly-specific certifications] active. [spends another

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-11206563579241223832009-04-05T23:07:00.000-07:002009-04-05T23:08:03.657-07:00

"Someone has asked(not so nicely)if the human resource managers in the area would post they're contact information. Please note that even though it would help dramatically if you would offer such information, we are all aware that you truely don't have to. In fact, I myself am experienced in this resources MO that I know the only reason for this is so that you believe that your saving time by not

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-27357426767547893572009-04-01T23:47:00.001-07:002009-04-01T23:48:35.773-07:00

This is not a resume headline.Unless, I guess, you are a baliff. Which, Candidate Who Did Use This, you are not.

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-21842617388666187092009-03-29T01:35:00.001-07:002009-03-29T01:36:35.274-07:00

...so thank you, Candidate, for the end-of-resume LOL:Special Interests:Awesome taste in musicAmateur conga player

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-28710546625425261702009-03-23T01:32:00.001-07:002009-03-23T01:43:35.388-07:00

CAPITAL LETTERS.Not, though, like above. Not ALL CAPS. Not Extraneous Capitalization.Just adequate. Like, for example, your name. Yes, your name, be it Ashley or Tiffany or Stephanie or Brittany or Misty or Amber. Which it usually is. Though your name might be common, it does not mean it does not deserve some respect. Some special consideration. Is your name a plate? A rock? A speck of

Ill Suithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01641351300455323466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-85773132109165587062009-03-18T22:16:00.000-07:002009-03-18T22:18:11.946-07:00

From resume:Volunteer Work:Helped fix my neighbors porch

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-45636695163111315852009-03-16T10:46:00.001-07:002009-03-16T10:48:01.116-07:00

From resume:"To tackle customers needs in designing and creating there kitchen and bath remodeling additions and updates. "I truly do appreciate that this candidate is showing some initiative in selecting more action-oriented verbs. But I think you should master basic grammar first before getting creative.

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-50006312305188028212009-02-25T23:36:00.000-08:002009-03-21T18:27:57.435-07:00

Hi America!!!! How are you doing? I just wanted to take a moment out from my busy schedule of sighing, eye-rolling, gritting my teeth and putting myself on mute so that I can yelp with agony to help brighten your day with the Hope and Promise of the next generation of Recent College Grads.Here are some confidence-instilling tidbits from a recent resume of, yes, an actual Bachelor-degree havin'

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-77870732330901609202009-02-10T23:18:00.000-08:002009-02-10T23:22:46.700-08:00

From resume....Skill Name/Levelmultitasking: Intermediatefax, copy, and call: Expertcompassion for others: Intermediate

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-41356931408788161632009-02-03T23:41:00.000-08:002009-02-03T23:47:23.864-08:00

2006 brought you "Decapitated Head."2007 brought you "Emergency Colonic."2008...well, in 2008, I was busy.2009?Nipple!And so many times! I count six."In this job, I am required to do many tasks such as testing the cow’s nipple for defects and defected milk, cleaning the nipple, and finally putting suction cups on the nipples that are not injured. While testing the person uses their fingers to

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-17935695979463489062009-01-19T19:38:00.000-08:002009-01-19T19:52:51.493-08:00

...for faxing a resume with no email address on it. There was no excuse for it in 2006 or 2001 for that matter. Email is free and you can access the internet at the library.I know this isn't a particularly funny post, Reader, but that just shows you the depth of my outrage.I've spent all day phone screening candidates who can't answer a yes or no question without giving me their life story,

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-39195246520810493412009-01-14T15:01:00.000-08:002009-01-14T15:12:11.302-08:00

Me, at beginning of scheduled phone screen: "Thank you, Candidate, for setting up this time to speak with me today."Candidate: "Actually, we set up the time yesterday."Me: (speechless as head throbs)

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-23716704586791084162009-01-14T10:41:00.000-08:002009-01-14T20:12:01.946-08:00

I'm busy, I'll have Fresh do the post today.

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-68713258645783034912009-01-12T22:19:00.000-08:002009-01-12T22:26:45.153-08:00

...the repetition of the phrase "To await for next shipment" seems somehow wistful and melancholy in the midst of all of the oily talk.But I don't know if you can call it an actual resume, which is how it was submitted to me.Daily stock inventories for minimum and maximum refills, Receiving local vendor orders stocking products in their location and maintaining reports of received items and

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-63691273291842074402008-12-29T12:04:00.000-08:002008-12-29T12:11:44.477-08:00

People are actually not outright hostile to a call from someone who wants to talk to them about a job.I never got that: YOU put your resume online, indicating that you would be interested in considering a new role. Why are you mad that I am calling you about one?Even if the role I call you about is a little different than what you are looking for, a) isn't it nice to know you have options and b)

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-78273461164170788982008-12-18T15:49:00.001-08:002008-12-18T15:51:00.927-08:00

From resume headline:"Please take your time reading my resume."

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-39584902541543415652008-12-18T15:46:00.001-08:002008-12-18T15:47:23.652-08:00

From resume headline:"I'M THE CANIDATE YOUR LOOKING FOR."And if you can't see why, that's why.

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-36710923981510974892008-12-18T00:30:00.000-08:002008-12-18T00:45:33.764-08:00

...and even being seventeen years old is no excuse for having the idea that you can get a job as a model by posting a resume (you know, something that consists of TEXT not PICTURES) on a major job board."I'm seventeen years old and a senior in high school. I'm very determined and interested in becoming a model. I don't have experience in the modeling field, however, I am willing to go the extra

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-60015783349620202042008-12-16T14:27:00.000-08:002008-12-16T14:33:05.409-08:00

...but can you stop yelling at me about it on your resume? (Details changed to protect the screamy.)"I WAS MARRIED TO THE DR AND I ASSISTED HIM WITH OPENING HIS PRACTICE AND WORKING WITH HIM. HE FILED FOR A DIVORCE AND HE ENDED MY JOB. I HAVE BEEN AN RN SINCE 1975 AND WORKED IN PRE-NATAL FOR 17 YEARS. I ALSO, ASSISTED MY HUSBAND FOR 8 YEARS. I THEN WORKED IN A CLINIC FOR SEVERAL PHYSICIANS FOR 3

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-12703434784118563342008-12-16T14:25:00.000-08:002008-12-16T14:27:14.388-08:00

...but they won't behave.

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-86196359991428515622007-09-06T08:24:00.000-07:002007-09-10T15:36:55.282-07:00

All the below are resume headlines from Craigslist:If you do outside criminal background checks. Dont bother.If you can teach it, I WILL SALE IT!!!I just don't know how good you can truly be at selling if you don't know that word exists.From resume headline AND Department of Lowered, Sad-Making Expectations: Recent college graduate seeking an entry level admin position From a resume headline I

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-19479702060636905402007-08-21T23:51:00.000-07:002007-08-22T00:31:09.640-07:00

I have always been a fan of dystopian fiction. I think mainly I just like the creativity involved in making up a whole world but am far too fundamentally skeptical of human nature to think it would be remotely accurate for things not to be fucked up. Also, it's why I always thought the idea of Heaven was boring: what do you do after that if everything's perfect, right?So anyhooze, when I was in

tbdnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-21078383670146278002007-08-21T05:00:00.000-07:002007-08-21T00:49:23.024-07:00

I mean, I hope I'm dead wrong but I'm wee bit concerned for the daughter here. Install locks on the windows, Nightshift Dad. And good luck, for serious.From Craigslist Job Posting, emphasis added:"WANTED SITTER TO WATCH MY 14 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WHILE I'M AT WORK FROM 8:00PM TILL 4:00AM MON THRU FRIDAY.REFRENCES NEEDED,I AM WIDOWED, AND LOOKING FOR A RESPONSIBLE SITTER BETWEEN THE AGES OF 30 TO

tbdnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-38617364004904791282007-08-09T13:14:00.000-07:002007-08-09T13:22:59.246-07:00

...I am using the law firm Morrison & Foerster.Why?Is it because they have "more than a thousand lawyers in eighteen offices around the world"?Or because their "corporate practices are frequently cited and ranked among the "Best Practices" in their respective markets by publications such as the American Lawyer Corporate Scorecard , Mergerstat, Bloomberg, Thomson Financial League Tables and others

tbdnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-85001213819227887872007-06-30T14:00:00.000-07:002007-06-30T22:43:52.396-07:00

From an entertainment perspective.Don't know if this could actually land you a job, but kudos, sir, for sheer balls-to-the-wall gumption:"5,000 A MONTH & I'LL DO ANYTHING EXCEPT SHOOT YOUR WIFE"

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-50196000532616272007-06-27T17:47:00.000-07:002007-06-27T17:53:09.513-07:00

...or an automated corporate buzzword generator? Your guess is as good as mine."[Redacted] is a highly dynamic and proactive agent of change who can rapidly visualize world-class methods of empowerment, while interactively maintaining ethical e-services. She is the only person I've ever met who can both optimize multidisciplinary architectures and assertively cultivate process-centric bandwidth."

tbdnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-14233774088768006562007-06-27T10:54:00.000-07:002007-06-27T10:59:32.387-07:00

This was in a job-seeking section of Craigslist...but I'm thinking this young fellow might be more accurately characterized as job-giving, potentially. And I didn't realize they were calling them "mentors" these days...I am, however, pleased to see some equal opportunity in the Craigslist's resume section in that usually it's the ladies who are always trotting out just how attractive they are

tbdnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1455767200173450612007-06-25T08:58:00.001-07:002007-06-25T09:55:38.891-07:00

No pokin' fun here, just appreciating the awsometacularity of this address from a job-seeker's recent resume (modified somewhat to protect the innocent but crucial bits left intact and emphasized)."Address 21, 14th Main, Seddi Layout,Main Road, Near Banaswadi Petrol Pump,Bangalore"Microwave burritos for all!

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-78105941570223795202007-06-19T09:18:00.000-07:002007-06-19T11:00:55.958-07:00

Once every six months or so, I stumble across something that ostensibly should get my dander up. Something that violates one of my harsh and unyielding rules and ergo deserves the usual withering scorn and what-have-you.But, periodically, when the moon is in the Seventh House or something, I am not outraged by a transgression, I am instead charmed or amused or otherwise have an emotion towards a

tbdnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-27862582697717994712007-06-15T17:09:00.000-07:002007-06-15T17:15:15.021-07:00

From Craigslist's (sigh) resume posting, listed in location "RICH PEOPLE:""I know this may sound king of lame and all but I need someone willing to give me $15,000. I'm that much in debt with credit cards and I have nothing to pay for them. I did have a job but it's gone now. I'm trying and trying to get another job but I've had no luck. Now all my bills are due and that amount is increasing each

tbdnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-84032342646621746432007-06-12T00:50:00.000-07:002007-06-12T01:08:13.283-07:00

...although I have spent the past three weeks silently changing "vender" to "vendor" and correcting endless misuses of the word "there" because I am far too filled with outrage that my underling (not selected by me, naturally) doesn't know these things to approach her in any sort of friendly and/or effective manner......it still beats talking to the goddamn public.Regular posting to resume

tbdnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-33281516204071430092007-05-25T02:25:00.000-07:002007-05-25T02:34:27.692-07:00

KILLING ME.I feel it's tacky to bitch too much about co-workers (because they are, you know, real people as opposed to the theoretical people as represented by a resume or brief phone screen).But I will say the following. These sentence fragments?"The candidate presented his self well..."AND"She holds her employees to high standers..."I am really REALLY the wrong person to whom to present

tbdnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-5445566841965227292007-05-14T23:55:00.000-07:002007-05-14T23:58:46.179-07:00

Thus spake the resume headline and the resume itself was refreshingly - and appropriately - completely free of typos or mangled language.Candidate, I wish I had a job to give you. I would like to make you Manager of the World. Because if there is one thing that makes the gnarled little knot of coal in my chest almost beat like a normal human heart, it is an obsessive grammarian.

tbdnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-56850348612869762012007-05-11T13:40:00.000-07:002007-05-12T15:34:38.456-07:00

...the "very bright" part.From a Craigslist "Resume":"Need Someone to Walk/Bike Long Distances or Just Do a Lot of Walking?I am accustomed to walking 5-10 or more miles per day. I enjoy walking and being outdoors. I'm not sure what kind of jobs would need this, but if you have one, please let me know! I'm open to any suggestions. I'm 22, female, quite strong, and very bright. If the position

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-62758933544551711312007-05-08T09:09:00.000-07:002007-08-09T13:30:36.929-07:00

At some point, Office Worker, you just capitulated, didn't you?You were initially hesitant because it seemed to be used so ubiquitously by the upper-management types. Those folks whose language seems to consist completely of meaningless buzz-word filler.You tried your best but you couldn't resist the constant onslaught, right? You eventually started using the word "proactive."Well get ready for

tbdnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-55821290574245375272007-05-02T20:33:00.000-07:002007-05-02T20:42:03.017-07:00

...mine would smell like lemon drops and cotton candy and clean puppy tummies.Joy.Joy is what it would scratch and sniff like.Because tomorrow, Reader, tomorrow is the day that I NO LONGER HAVE TO TALK TO THE GODDAMN PUBLIC ALL THE GODDAMN DAY.My head is exploding with rainbows. My heart wants to sing every song it hears.Now if you'll excuse me, my floppy hat and I are going to go twirl on a

tbdnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-45428616772948767222007-05-01T10:00:00.000-07:002007-05-01T11:15:18.311-07:00

Soooo...I think Extraneous Capitalizer has opted for "Sentence Case" instead of "Title Case" for her latest posting, but despite these being confidential postings, I am still pretty sure this is all the same person. Her little looking-for-work-by-outlining-my-bitterness-at-the-inexorable-march-of-time-in-poetic-format postings have become like my favorite Easter Egg of the resume search."Great at

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-21897353891209947052007-04-27T08:50:00.000-07:002007-04-27T08:51:36.195-07:00

From resume headline:"Business Man w/Artistic Flair"

tbdnoreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-53264279235363160632007-04-26T10:04:00.000-07:002007-04-26T10:07:04.159-07:00

And she also wants you to know:"I have much respect for myself so please do not send any response about scams, "dancing" or anything of that nature. "That's great, young lady, but then why do I even need to know you are a young lady at all? And especially not in your resume header. The job search isn't a chat room. You can leave the A/S off of A/S/L.

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-69402677606107819332007-04-26T10:00:00.000-07:002007-04-26T10:01:55.764-07:00

How come once a month when I come to my own blog it looks like the Cyrillic alphabet vomited onto the screen?Well, if we can see this now it means it's fixed, I guess.

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-80556522828048597242007-04-24T13:33:00.000-07:002007-04-26T13:35:55.300-07:00

Received an e-mail today from a recruiting company much like my very own. My resume is kind of confidentially lolly-gagging out on some job boards, just to see what else might be out there.So it is the sort of usual e-mail that I send out to candidates, but unlike the ones I send out to candidates, this recruiter doesn't bother to hide his/her contempt for her audience:"1. Click the link in this

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-44136981329278087242007-04-20T05:10:00.000-07:002007-05-01T11:14:59.347-07:00

She's posted again and she is ready to get all highly specific on your ass:"English Speaking Receptionist With A Voice Like An AngelEnglish Speaking Receptionist With A BeautifulPhone Voice Willing To Work Hard For The Money.I Will List What My Strenths And WeaknessesAre So You Do Not Waste Your Time.Please Do Not Email Unless I Meet Your CriteriaAnd You Meet My Criteria.Strengths:Great Phone

tbdnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-64251823463459095772007-04-20T05:00:00.000-07:002007-04-19T23:23:17.486-07:00

From resume:"I really prefer to work on the bottom floors, as I don't ride elevators."

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-23595165778993666902007-04-19T12:16:00.000-07:002007-05-01T11:15:51.722-07:00

From seeking-work posting, formatting intact."Front Office Receptionist Looking ForA Position Answering Phones As WellAs Performing Other AdministrativeTasks To Keep Busy.Looking For The Right Company WhoWill Not Discriminate Because I AmNot Skinny Or Twenty Two Years Old.Hard Worker,No Nonsense Woman WhoNeeds A Job, Ready To Settle DownInto A Basic Job.Have Lived Life In The Fast LaneAlready!

tbdnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-12112243137058821402007-04-19T12:00:00.000-07:002007-04-19T12:23:53.746-07:00

The same resume from the below post also yielded this coherent gem, helpfully rendered in screaming all caps. The Crazies sure love them their Caps Lock key:"KNOWING THAT ASSET POTENTIAL INCLUDES FAR MORE - THAN EVEN THE MOST EXEMPLARY SKILL SETS - AND BECAUSE I HAVE NOT ALTERED MY RESUME TO ACCENT - WHY WE MIGHT BE A GOOD MATCH - I OVERVIEW SPECIFICS WHICH MAY BE IMPORTANT - IN PRELIMINARY

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-47280980955049087062007-04-18T20:02:00.000-07:002007-04-18T20:06:40.622-07:00

From resume:"All interested (qualified) Decision Makers - please dial my dedicated voicemail box. Hear my voice and feel my High Vibration."

tbdnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-56086476696581834552007-04-18T11:52:00.000-07:002007-04-18T11:59:03.857-07:00

I just got a digital camera (I have been a film snob, then indifferent, then broke, hence my late adopting when I am usually a total tech geek.)You know what that means, right?SUPERFLUOUS HOMEGROWN CUTENESS, SUCKAS!(PS: Confidential to Rube: Merci Beaucoup!)

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-47146486935744832342007-04-17T15:23:00.000-07:002007-04-17T15:27:44.672-07:00

Because I am not sure where to start with this one.From resume. Yes, RESUME:"Interests: I am interested in the creation of Ethanol and the boom that it will have on the economy. I originally wanted to get a Patton on what is now called EthanolI thought of it way before Ethanol ever came out but was to young to know how to manufacture parts to adapt cars to run off it, but I am still willing to

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-76086800540227603362007-04-17T15:08:00.000-07:002007-04-17T15:12:47.122-07:00

That is all.No wait, I have an addendum.Do not use your mother as a reference on your resume BUT ESPECIALLY not if she is the only reference you have.(No, Reader, I'm not kidding. Saw this today. The resume was NOT from a six-year old nor from a developmentally-disabled person. At least not an officially-labeled developmentally-disabled person. I suppose you could assume that the diagnosis might

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-57646546843169318672007-04-13T11:26:00.000-07:002007-04-14T14:53:57.566-07:00

...when your Gay Husband calls you and cheerfully announces that one of the engines on the plane he was on this morning EXPLODED.!!!The Gay Husband has a bizarre (to me) and deep love and appreciation for aviation, has worked for airlines, made me take him on a airplane-related tourist activity on his last visit...so his response to all this was measured calm and mild curiosity.My response, on

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-90713599042957170772007-04-13T10:28:00.000-07:002007-04-13T10:31:49.114-07:00

This is a dead blog, but it is worth a read, from the start through the completion (it doesn't take that long). Because we ALL have been there.

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-26139140750072310562007-04-12T18:30:00.000-07:002007-04-13T11:42:27.479-07:00

...the Public had this to say today.From candidate's resume headline:"Just greaduated"This wasn't Myspace. This was Monster.And this wasn't a typo inserted in the midst of a big block of text.These are the only two words in the headline. Ergo, this person only had two words to scan to proof this and think..."Hmm. Fifty percent of the first thing I am showing to a prospective employer looks

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-29542795042046478592007-04-12T13:38:00.000-07:002007-04-13T11:42:47.910-07:00

Okay, I KNOW I am constantly saying that the blog is on the verge of running out of steam and devolving into being solely shoe criticism.BUTThis time I might mean it.I might be getting out of direct candidate contact and moving into being safely ensconced in the bubble wrap of managing a process as opposed to actually carrying out a process. You know: becoming one of those people mercifully

tbdnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-88478832577406540542007-04-09T06:56:00.000-07:002007-04-09T07:00:58.680-07:00

...but I have to.Back whenever "The Twilight Zone" TV series came back in the 80's or 90's or...wait a minute, this is the internet, I don't need to wonder, I can research. Hold, please....Okay, it was the FIRST revival of "The Twilight Zone" which took place from 1985-1989, there was one episode I saw that has stuck with me to this day. Actually, there are two, but only one is relevant to this

tbdnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-56179685365563235682007-04-03T23:12:00.000-07:002007-04-03T23:52:32.984-07:00

I had to travel for business this week. It was not horrible. This surprised me.I have been fortunate enough to not have to travel for biz in over 2.5 years. The main thing that has changed: Bluetooth.I also had the opportunity to see, wandering around its natural environment (i.e., a business travel hotel), a certain organism that I don't encounter into often in the circles I run with: The

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-33831038660381776572007-03-30T10:59:00.000-07:002007-03-30T11:04:46.623-07:00

...that is I Can Has Cheezburger?If so, get out from under your internets rock and get your RDA of cute cute cute.If you have already experienced it, well, your day is already a rainbow of flavor so there you go.

tbdnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-36343625036364519962007-03-30T08:13:00.000-07:002007-03-30T08:19:54.684-07:00

My Readers seem like a pretty literate bunch so this is in no way directed at you all. This is for Hiring Managers.If you have some concerns about a candidate's background and are therefore feeling reluctant to bring them on board, you can bea) LEERYorb) WARYBut if you put the two together, it does not, actually make a super-strength hybrid of the two. It just makes you tired because that is

tbdnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-38284275218982799472007-03-28T15:01:00.000-07:002007-03-28T15:03:30.176-07:00

Okay, I know I just promised less navel-gazing, but...I am sitting here this afternoon and wondering what this odd feeling is that I have when I realized:I AM HAPPY IN ANTICIPATION OF GOING TO JOB 3 THIS EVENING. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. "IT" MEANING WORK.I can't stop being totally weirded out by all of this.

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-49878884109457825162007-03-28T13:55:00.000-07:002007-03-28T14:16:06.617-07:00

Considering all my navel-gazing and off-topic posts of late, I have somewhat lost the moral high ground when it comes to berating others for overestimating my give-a-care about their personal details through the job search process. Let's face it: the bread and butter of a blog like this are ridiculous e-mail addies and poor phone manners, not what I think about this season's couture

tbdnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-68812963385598670172007-03-27T00:27:00.000-07:002007-03-27T00:28:30.447-07:00

(Yes, I'm talking about shoes again.)See.First they take a kitten heel and put it on a wedge sandal, and you think...that's awful, but it just seems like an isolated fashion aberration so I'm not going to do anything about it.But THEN DONNA KARAN just goes and puts a TEVA-STYLE SANDAL on a WEDGE SANDAL? And suddenly everyone who didn't speak out about the sick mating of the kitten heel with the

tbdnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-20005622884268173512007-03-26T07:47:00.000-07:002007-03-26T20:37:12.629-07:00

I am now up to three jobs. However, Job 2 and Job 3 are related to things that I enjoy doing and am interested in. This is a very weird development.As we all know (or I guess more accurately, as I theorize based on very little data and then presume everyone agrees with), our current economic model depends on despair to thrive. So jobs that many might find rewarding and engaging generally pay

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-4708124623280719742007-03-22T12:15:00.000-07:002007-03-22T13:15:27.204-07:00

Normally I do try to buffer in some time between the day job happenings and my posts due to my totally unwarranted paranoia.But today I am feeling ca ca enough to just go ahead and LIVE BLOG THE AWFULNESS.I have phone screened a gajillion people this week and 90% of them have been:Unqualified despite what their resumes said. It stretches the boundaries of credulity, if you have only used a

tbdnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-87409896067168675932007-03-20T14:50:00.000-07:002007-03-20T14:52:58.540-07:00

While I'm out, here is some resume advice that a) confirms what I'm always gnashing my teeth about and b) is boring.

tbdnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-35352995056428682302007-03-20T14:46:00.001-07:002007-03-20T14:46:51.555-07:00

And is at the cleaners. Will be back in three days if we get there before closing.

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-56894757078278740422007-03-15T14:10:00.000-07:002007-03-15T14:11:22.952-07:00

I am trying to stay on topic lately, but something has come to my attention and I simply cannot sit quietly by. I must speak out.Now, I want to make it clear that I do my best to avoid mindlessly settling into any gender-based cliches. But sometimes I must admit that my genuine tastes and some stereotypical girlie concerns overlap. Mainly with shoes.I am sure that somebody in gender studies

tbdnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-91198692860721602232007-03-14T19:46:00.000-07:002007-03-15T13:53:31.730-07:00

I really cannot throw stones about being grumpy as I live in a glass house called: Writes a Blog Dedicated to Complaining.But Candidates, how can I put this nicely? Well, some of you are a little high-strung. You seem a little on edge.Here's how it goes.I make a lot of phone calls. To people who applied directly for a job, to people whose resumes I found online, etc. I will generally make one

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-11519442995729769562007-03-13T14:42:00.000-07:002007-03-13T17:39:44.325-07:00

So the other day, my friend President of the Debate Club paid a visit to the blog to test my logic. She found it failing on at least one post, but luckily I won the round by default because I think she will be too busy/disinterested to revisit the blog again to rebut.After the visit, she let me know that she passed along some of the gems to her husband and co-workers, who, she informed me, all

tbdnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-42727553279323598712007-03-12T11:43:00.000-07:002007-03-12T11:46:06.044-07:00

From resume:"My ambitions presented to me show an outline of continued achievements."

tbdnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-72725946621409414232007-03-07T12:24:00.000-08:002007-03-07T12:27:28.841-08:00

You know how I hate personal details, right. But this? THIS???? Transcends irrelevance, transcends inappropriateness. It lives on its own unearthly plane, glowing and levitating in its perfection."Winner of Showcase Showdown on The Price is Right."

tbdnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-68819737442253292642007-03-07T11:24:00.000-08:002007-03-07T11:31:56.287-08:00

To the older bearded gentleman in the Beemer in front of me at the drive-thru at McDonald's (no, I'm not proud of it):1) I really don't have time to explain the concepts/gestalt of a) FAST food b) Drive-thrus c) Talking to a minimum-wage employee through a small speaker box d) McDonald's, in generalso you will just have to take my word for it that in a lot of ways, "Which of your

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-18197854043669399172007-03-06T17:30:00.000-08:002007-03-06T17:35:50.752-08:00

You would think that something as dry and resolutely un-sexy as a major corporation wouldn't have a stalker.And you would be wrong.I have this candidate who applies to EVERY SINGLE JOB this company posts in the Midwest. It doesn't matter what the function, duties or level are. It doesn't matter how little, if at all, his background matches up with the job.Director of Finance? APPLY. Customer

tbdnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-151531465905294182007-03-06T16:40:00.000-08:002007-03-06T17:36:48.031-08:00

Every Xmas for about the past eight Xmases, I have lost my mind to holiday gift-making (there was one exception, 2005 when I just plain lost my mind).Now, as anyone who had met me briefly or seen me from across a city block can tell: I am crotchety. I have ALWAYS been crotchety. I was like a crotchety eighth grader. My holiday craftiness is less out of some kind of cheery holiday spirit, more

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-56593887813329424222007-03-05T13:45:00.000-08:002007-03-05T13:58:47.792-08:00

But Rocker Contractor is back (for the FOURTH grouting of my shower tile, fingers crossed this one will take) and he had a little joke (?) about needing a "jazzercism" (like exorcism + jazzercise?) that he said yesterday and then eagerly asked me today if I had used the joke yet.Only, it's not really a joke, like there is no framework into which the word "jazzercism" is used as a punchline or

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-69380627809464138662007-02-28T17:44:00.000-08:002007-02-28T17:52:02.236-08:00

Tatter helpfully provided this link to the Snopes message board which has "Crazy things seen on resume" (worth a look alone for the newspaper ad of the pot smuggler looking for legitimate employment).But alas, I continue to have no homegrown recruiting laffs. Everyone is all well-behaved, or is misbehaving in ways too minor, boring or repetitive to previous posts to bother noting. I am very

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-7461506298853872702007-02-26T18:18:00.000-08:002007-02-26T18:39:17.421-08:00

So guess what, Candidate?It is 2007 and there is this thing called telecommuting.What this means is that although I might sound super duper professional over the phone, the fact is I might be in yoga pants at my kitchen table trying to shut up the dry-heaving cat and to ignore the hot married guy across the way who is surprisingly and somewhat disturbingly visible through the frosted glass

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-58953224856893387252007-02-22T12:00:00.000-08:002007-02-22T12:02:16.048-08:00

Today, on a work teleconference, someone actually said the word VAJAJAY.Key words in the above sentence:"WORK TELECONFERENCE""VAJAJAY"

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-38878333726786233422007-02-22T11:54:00.000-08:002007-02-22T11:58:53.481-08:00

Somebody did forward a resume from an acquaintance. The message from the acquaintance said something like "Find me a job, hook a brutha up." Now, the candidate was sending the message to a friend, so whatevs is all I say to that.But the friend - employee of the relatively buttoned-up company this person wants a job with - sent that message to HR. Like...from what I understand, "hook a brutha

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-42246547806611648452007-02-20T22:42:00.000-08:002007-02-22T11:59:39.315-08:00

I am back at work and ready to be all focused and bring you all the laffs, but absolutely nothing funny happened. Some candidate's name was "Sweetee" but that isn't so much funny as...well, kinda cute, actually.WHAT IF THE BLOG HAS RUN ITS COURSE?Hmmm.Deborah Ng from Freelance Writing Jobs and Finding the Right Words (Hello! *waving*) has tagged me to write about why I blog and so at some point

tbdnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1171640341032720932007-02-16T07:32:00.000-08:002007-02-22T12:48:01.388-08:00

To the Candidate I Spoke to Yesterday: I am so sorry my cat was near-deafeningly dry-heaving while I was conducting your phone screen.To Readers: I have no additional recruiting-related laffs this week as it has been a crazy time trying to juggle two jobs. I am not cut out for juggling two jobs; I am barely cut out for passing for mediocre at one. What I am well-suited for is either a)

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1171392519091463802007-02-13T10:46:00.000-08:002007-02-22T12:05:49.024-08:00

This is not, mind you, from our Army...but it's still pretty special nonetheless. "Winning the Excellent Supermarket Award of Army in 2001"

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1169657407343163362007-02-12T08:43:00.000-08:002007-02-22T12:02:41.383-08:00

I would like a temporary moratorium on the words "musings," "rantings," or "ramblings" being used within 50 feet of a blog for the next six months. There is an exception for Copyranter because...well, because he's earned it.Sorry, bloggers, but it had to be done. Own your thoughts! Did Hemingway muse or rant or ramble? No, he stated! State, I say! State your thoughts!I will be probably

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1170954218630632702007-02-07T08:52:00.000-08:002007-02-22T12:47:46.710-08:00

For as long as I can remember, I have been obsessed with language and how people use it. Um (gestures to entire blog) OBVIOUSLY.I don't know why it is. If someone has a verbal tic or uses certain words, I cease to be able to actually listen to the content of what they say, and instead become completely focused on the tic or the word. Sometimes it's in a good way. My gay husband refers to a

tbdnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1170820781244629002007-02-06T19:44:00.000-08:002007-02-22T12:48:32.174-08:00

Although not quite as horrifying as "decapitated head," "emergency colonic" is yet another two-word phrase I would not have normally expected to encounter in a job-searching related capacity.And yes, Reader, I have noticed the slight uptick of late of my posting links to other sites and then brushing off my hands like I've done a good job with this blog for the day. As Boris Becker would say:

tbdnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1170710297275493752007-02-05T13:17:00.000-08:002007-02-22T21:17:27.585-08:00

I'm not EVEN going to feel bad about it anymore!!!!http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/302397_grumpyworkers05.html

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1170438100298514482007-02-02T09:31:00.000-08:002007-02-22T21:13:34.194-08:00

Mr. Pissy Pants, I called you to follow-up on your bitchy note. I called the number you provided on your resume, the resume you submitted for this potentially $100K/yr base plus some kinda bonus job.When the voicemail answered, it informed me in your smoove playa voice, that if the person leaving the message was female, most likely the call would be returned. If the person leaving the call was

tbdnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1169683227773422422007-01-31T12:48:00.000-08:002007-02-22T12:06:34.087-08:00

That's the one positive I can see from the candidate who put this on his resume:"Accomplishments: One of my greatest personal accomplishments in life was losing weight I was able to lose over ninety lbs. in about eight months through exercise and diet."Cons: ABSOLUTELY IRRELEVANT TO ANY JOB OUTSIDE A FITNESS CENTER AND/OR JENNY CRAIG-TYPE PLACE. (For which I am not recruiting.) (And yes, quite

tbdnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1170106083176435552007-01-29T13:24:00.000-08:002007-02-22T12:06:55.589-08:00

To the dude who just sent a bitchy note to a hiring manager complaining about her lack of response to his interview follow-up questions? And then who said at the end of said bitchy note that he hoped his bitchy note wouldn't impact his chance for future opportunities with the company?Well, for one, you're right, it is crappy that she never responded to you.But, yes, you're also right in your

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1169660608733293732007-01-24T09:43:00.000-08:002007-02-22T12:07:23.738-08:00

The Assimilated Negro: What Kind Of Worker Are You?Because my kind of worker always skates out of these kinds of meetings. (I'm a Milford [wo]Man.)

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1168964977805992312007-01-24T08:55:00.000-08:002007-02-22T12:04:37.006-08:00

A while back, one of the After-Dark Ill-Suit's gigs was writing music reviews.One day, I received a CD and a sheaf of accompanying materials. I mean, generally bands would include a little press blurb or something, but this band included nearly everything positive that had ever been committed to paper about themselves.I listened to the CD and I did not like it. I didn't hate it, but it just

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1169648226717738442007-01-24T06:09:00.000-08:002007-02-22T12:08:12.726-08:00

I am at my desk, the phone rings, and I have my usual argument with myself about picking it up. (I really don't believe in picking up the phone, it's so rarely a good idea.)But I do and it's Candidate, whom I've already screened for the position and told I would be submitting to the hiring manager. I also let her know if she is selected for an interview, she might find out before I do because

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34030237.post-1169526420892627862007-01-22T20:19:00.001-08:002007-02-22T12:08:56.850-08:00

www.Doostang.comIs Doostang "an online career community that connects people through personal relationships and affiliations"?Or is the candidate who tells me this playing some kind of trick on me and this is really some kind of meatspin type website that will immediately flag me in my company's IT department as some kind of link-clicking-floozy degenerate? (For the love of all that is holy if

tbdnoreply@blogger.com0