All the below are resume headlines from Craigslist:
If you do outside criminal background checks. Dont bother.
If you can teach it, I WILL SALE IT!!!
I just don't know how good you can truly be at selling if you don't know that word exists.
From resume headline AND Department of Lowered, Sad-Making Expectations: Recent college graduate seeking an entry level admin position
From a resume headline I forgot to post about back when this resume was relevant cuz summertime fun is OVER: Gay summer personal assistant
Once again, careless placement of modifiers might just create questions rather than instill in potential employers an overwhelming desire to hire your sizzling competence like yesterday.
I mean, first of all, I don't need to know that you are gay, but this is where my thoughts immediately go when I read that (read in voice of Ronco announcer):
Are you planning on having a Gay Summer but are overwhelmed at the thought of how much is involved? Making the reservations at P-Town? The manscaping? The purchasing of lube and hot pants? Making a house mix for the BBQ? It's endless, girlfriend!! [Of course in the commercial I am making in my head, that last sentence has a dude in a mesh shirt like collapsing on a pile of CD's on a table.] Never fear! Your Gay Summer Personal Assistant is here.
Or was. But the summer, Gay or no, is over.
(And I'm sorry, Gay Husband, for the parade of Gay Cliches but whatever, you do it too. Shut up.)