Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Meet Your College Graduates, America!

Hi America!!!! How are you doing?

I just wanted to take a moment out from my busy schedule of sighing, eye-rolling, gritting my teeth and putting myself on mute so that I can yelp with agony to help brighten your day with the Hope and Promise of the next generation of Recent College Grads.

Here are some confidence-instilling tidbits from a recent resume of, yes, an actual Bachelor-degree havin' young person. His/her graduating GPA was over 3.0.

"PRESENT: Bartender
I am the head bartender taking the most shifts as well as the most rewarding...In which ties to my role as assistant manager resolving problems and finding solutions when the manager is not available. Such as proper ways to treat food not up to the standard of the guest as well as unruly guests.

PREVIOUS: Fitness Councelor

At [redacted] i was a fitness councelor/sales man."

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