It's 1:30AM on the weekend and I am working...

...so thank you, Candidate, for the end-of-resume LOL:

Special Interests:
Awesome taste in music
Amateur conga player

Hands down: BEST RESUME HEADLINE EVER.

From an entertainment perspective.

Don't know if this could actually land you a job, but kudos, sir, for sheer balls-to-the-wall gumption:

"5,000 A MONTH & I'LL DO ANYTHING EXCEPT SHOOT YOUR WIFE"

Can you please pick me up some Fritos and a fountain Diet Coke on your way to work?

No pokin' fun here, just appreciating the awsometacularity of this address from a job-seeker's recent resume (modified somewhat to protect the innocent but crucial bits left intact and emphasized).

"Address 21, 14th Main,
Seddi Layout,
Main Road,
Near Banaswadi Petrol Pump,
Bangalore"

Microwave burritos for all!

The Bi-Annual Arbitrary and Resounding Yes

Once every six months or so, I stumble across something that ostensibly should get my dander up. Something that violates one of my harsh and unyielding rules and ergo deserves the usual withering scorn and what-have-you.

But, periodically, when the moon is in the Seventh House or something, I am not outraged by a transgression, I am instead charmed or amused or otherwise have an emotion towards a job-seeker that could be characterized as positive.

I know, it's a little disappointing to me too. I strive for consistency.

So the planets have aligned just right this week and so when I saw the below...

"we are italian pizzamakers

hi! we're 3 italian boys, we come from Naples! we're looking for a job in a restaurant, with any assignment, we play italian or Neapolitan classical music! we are piazzamakers and piazzaiolo. "

...I wished I had an Italian restaurant in which to employ the cheerful three Italian boys who not only make pizza but also play Italian or Neapolitan classical music!

It probably helps that I imagine that they are either a) unbearably hot or b) look like the Mario Brothers.

The Single Best Useless Thing to Ever Appear on a Resume Ever of All Time Ever!

You know how I hate personal details, right. But this? THIS???? Transcends irrelevance, transcends inappropriateness. It lives on its own unearthly plane, glowing and levitating in its perfection.

"Winner of Showcase Showdown on The Price is Right."

Resume Bullet Point of the Week

This is not, mind you, from our Army...but it's still pretty special nonetheless.

"Winning the Excellent Supermarket Award of Army in 2001"

New Feature!

Although I am loathe to go off-topic because then, really, it's just a slippery slope to Online Diary, and the world doesn't need another one of those.

Nevertheless, I'm starting to be mildy disturbed by my own candidate-hating misanthropy as cataloged through this blog. It's awfully one-note.

So I think that once a week (let's say Thursdays because that's usually when I am really losing it) I should post something that is not a fatigued and despairing entry about yet another "Stupid Thing Somebody Stupid Stupidly Did (Aggrieved Sigh)." Instead I will try to post "Things that Remind Me It's Not So Bad to Be a Human."

I am going to keep an eye out for recruiting-related hope-inducing items, but honestly, this week, I don't have any (aggrieved sigh).

BUT! There is this off-topic hope-inducing item!


I can't wait!!!!!

That's right, unbridled enthusiasm + multiple exclamation points. Kitten pics and poems about Jesus or friendship sure TK.

Don't say I never gave you anything, Reader.

In the spirit of the holiday or whatever, please follow below link if you would like a recipe for the most heavenly of cheesy-bready goodness in the form of Seattle restaurant guru Tom Douglas’s Etta’s Cornbread Pudding.

But be forewarned: just looking at the ingredient list will clog at least one (1) artery.

I will be making it for the Tofurky Day festivities tomorrow and while it’s not likely to be quite as transcendent as the stuff at the restaurant, I don't see how anything with that quantity of full-fat dairy products could possibly turn out bad.

(Also…not that I would know anything about this particular part of the country because I certainly wouldn’t be foolish enough to put any personal/distinguishing characteristics out here on this grounds-for-termination blog, but I have heard tell that if you are ever around Seattle way, you really cannot go too wrong with any of Tom Douglas’s places. The shrimpy thing at Lola’s? Nothing bad about that.)

While I do have to work on Black Friday, I will likely be both hungover and carbed-out-sluggish, so either no posts or if there are posts, I’m just going to apologize in advance now for their even more phoning-it-in than usual quality.

Sorry.

Also Too Good to Leave in Comment Trail: Totally Fortunate Name!

So I don't know if it's like way blog-dorky to keep pulling comments from the comments to make posts out of them, but so what if it is? You're not the boss of me!

Anyway, Deborah Ng, who has a really great free writing job posting blog/service for freelance writers (I should alert the candidate from the below post) left me the below comment (thanks, Deborah!) in response to an Unfortunate Name post:

"When I worked in retail there was a gentleman who used to come in on occasion to sell antiques. His name? 'Mighty Dreamstreet.' At first I thought it was a joke or street cred adding nickname such as Mr T or LL Cool J, but the gentleman informed me that it was, indeed, his name."

Like on the one hand, I have my usual why-on-earth-would-anyone-do-that? reaction. But then again...Mighty Dreamstreet. I would completely be a superhero by now if that were my name.