Actual Unfortunate Names: NSFW Blind Item Guessing Game

So the other day, my friend President of the Debate Club paid a visit to the blog to test my logic. She found it failing on at least one post, but luckily I won the round by default because I think she will be too busy/disinterested to revisit the blog again to rebut.

After the visit, she let me know that she passed along some of the gems to her husband and co-workers, who, she informed me, all had the same reaction:

"How does she write that and not get fired?"

Ummmm.

Gulp?

So like, I mean, um, yeah, I know but.

Like there are a gajillion blogs out there?
And my real name is nowhere on it?
And I change all the relevant details?

But so suddenly I wonder if this is a much riskier endeavor than I was really thinking.

Which makes what I am about to do even more DAREDEVILISH and LIVING-ON-THE-EDGE-ISH! Those of you with a delicate constitution: LOOK AWAY NOW!

So I phone screened a candidate recently with really one of THE most unfortunate Actual Unfortunate Names I have come across.

I can't actually post it, but I will give some clues and you can guess, either quietly in your head, or DARINGLY in the comments! I might chicken out and delete the comments that get too close to the right name but I will alert the winner otherwise if you link to your own blog.

What do you win?

SMUG SELF-SATISFACTION. At least TEN MINUTES of feeling VERY PLEASED WITH YOURSELF.

So here are the clues:

1) The first name is nickname that is a synonym for a slang term for a girl part. However! This very self-same nickname can - although not as commonly - ALSO be used as a slang term for a girl part.
2) The last name is...just flat out a slang term for a girl part.

What I found so fascinating is: if your last name is ALREADY something that is going to make middle school very very difficult...why oh why would your parents also saddle you with the double whammy of a nearly equally unfortunate nickname?

So NSFW guess away, Readers!

P.S. Gay Husband? You are not eligible for the prize because we just talked about this person today, but I'm happy to discuss other possible ways for you to have at least ten minutes of smug self-satisfaction.

Actual Unfortunate Names: Link Russian Roulette Edition

www.Doostang.com

Is Doostang "an online career community that connects people through personal relationships and affiliations"?

Or is the candidate who tells me this playing some kind of trick on me and this is really some kind of meatspin type website that will immediately flag me in my company's IT department as some kind of link-clicking-floozy degenerate? (For the love of all that is holy if you don't know what meatspin is, DO NOT TRY TO FIND OUT ON A WORK COMPUTER or if you are of delicate constitution.)

Point being: I just don't know how I feel about the name DOOSTANG. It doesn't fill me with a sense of overwhelming...ummm...professionalism. It makes me want to make jokes like as though I were a twelve-year-old boy.

Like (oh my god Reader I am SO SORRY for the stupid immature joke I am about to make): "You stink - do you have a doostang in your underwear?"

(And twelve-year-old boys everywhere think, "What is she talking about? That joke is beneath me.")

Also Too Good to Leave in Comment Trail: Totally Fortunate Name!

So I don't know if it's like way blog-dorky to keep pulling comments from the comments to make posts out of them, but so what if it is? You're not the boss of me!

Anyway, Deborah Ng, who has a really great free writing job posting blog/service for freelance writers (I should alert the candidate from the below post) left me the below comment (thanks, Deborah!) in response to an Unfortunate Name post:

"When I worked in retail there was a gentleman who used to come in on occasion to sell antiques. His name? 'Mighty Dreamstreet.' At first I thought it was a joke or street cred adding nickname such as Mr T or LL Cool J, but the gentleman informed me that it was, indeed, his name."

Like on the one hand, I have my usual why-on-earth-would-anyone-do-that? reaction. But then again...Mighty Dreamstreet. I would completely be a superhero by now if that were my name.

Unfortunate Names: Special Eyebrow-Waxing Edition

This is actually not recruiting-related. (*Body sagging like a toddler in the grocery store*) I don't wanna write about recruiting this week. Seriously, sometimes the only way to get through doing your job is to sort of pretend for a week that you're actually NOT doing your job and to instead read all your journals from ten years ago and think: a) yeah, that one auburn-haired kid at college who read "Scientific American" WAS really unexpectedly hot and maybe I should google him and see what he's up to and b) I might be crazy but AT LEAST I'm no longer circa-1996-crazy.

So this episode of Unfortunate Names has nothing to do with recruiting UNLESS you are in charge of hiring at my local salon. In which case: I don't want anybody whose name is Patti - crucially - with an "i" waxing my eyebrows.

I don't want to have to explain it, I think some of you out there might know or at least sense what I am talking about...all I know is I got them waxed, I was displeased, then she handed me her card and AS SOON as I saw "Patti" with an i, I was like, "Damn, I wish I had known that before."

I am sure there are a couple Patti-with-an-i eyebrow-waxers who are like the Michael Jordan of waxing and maybe I'll be flamed for my extremely controversial post here, but I know what I know. And I know I will be finding another waxist.

And no, I'm not surprised to see you, I'm just going to look like this for another three weeks.

Actual Unfortunate Names - Too Good to Leave in Comment Trail

A million thanks to Lisa the Mad Tatter for alerting me to what is really one of the most questionable and unfortunate names I have encountered. From her comment:

You think "Lucifer" and "Little" are bad? I know of a young man (7 years old) by the name of Handsomestranger. Yes. Handsomestranger. It begs the question: Was he named for his father?

That is FANTASTIC. Merry Early Xmas Everyone!

Actual Unfortunate Names, Episode Two

The names off some recent resumes have me a little puzzled.

Q: Why would you name your child either Lucifer or Little?

My Only A: Because you didn't want to have a child and you resent him for existing?

I mean, for reals. Why would you do that? Apple and Moses Paltrow-Martin would hear these names and run and kiss their parents for not being THAT cruel.

Poor little Lucifer better learn how to fight - and quick.

And poor little Little...well, he needs to learn how to fight, too, but he also better hope against hope that he grows up to be 6 foot plus, 250 lbs of muscle and...um...well, otherwise not-so-little, if you know what I mean, wink wink nudge nudge. Or else I see a lifetime of reeeeaaaalllllly ugly break-ups in his future, as the future ex-girlfriends already have a head start on nasty parting comments.

Not so much an unfortunate name...

...but do you think a candidate with the first name "Wanwan" has to sit through endless meetings with a tight smile as people make terrible puns about "wan-wan solutions?"

Or is it just me that makes the terrible puns?

I'm deeply ashamed of myself, Reader, I'm sorry. I'll do better.

Unfortunate Names, Episode One

Candidate's resume indicates she worked at the "Kum and Go."

Surprisingly, duties listed did not include pole dancing or pasty twirling. Rather, they seemed to indicate this is some kind of convenience store.

Quick Google search validates that the "Kum and Go" is in fact not only one convenience store with a really questionable name, but an entire CHAIN of them. (Those of you in the Midwest, I suppose this isn't news to you.) www.kumandgo.com (disappointingly SFW)

To which I say: wow. Well, I guess I'm the one with the filthy mind. Guilty! But still. Lordy.

It seems a shame, though, that this fantastic name was wasted on a convenience STORE. Because it's really just crying out to be used for a chain of convenience GENTLEMAN'S CLUBS. Like the McDonald's of titty bars. You Kum, you Go. And everything is plastic so it is easily hosed down each night.

And speaking of stripping-related entrepreneurship, the below product is a genius example of American capitalism on at least a couple levels. Technically SFW, but still might get you a funny look if your co-workers see it.

http://pleaserusa.com/pic/TIP-702-5cbg.jpg