There's something kind of weirdly poetic about this...

...the repetition of the phrase "To await for next shipment" seems somehow wistful and melancholy in the midst of all of the oily talk.

But I don't know if you can call it an actual resume, which is how it was submitted to me.

Daily stock inventories for minimum and maximum refills, Receiving local vendor orders stocking products in their location and maintaining reports of received items and prices. Dispensing fuel, Unleaded to Company trucks, Diesel for Dock usage. Butane tanks for Warehouse lift, recording each department and their usage of the Stock Room product for later refrence, Receiving vedor at the Receiving/ Shipping Location referring to the Purchase Order for quantitiy and prices and which department the order goes to. Always making a separate file for local vendors and Off Island vendors on B/Orders. To await for next shipment. Entering products and location in the MP2 system for later inventories. Loading Diesel to tanks and Unleaded fuel. Keeping the Oil Storage stocked and inventory on the reorder status, Dispensing fuel to the Maintenance Worker, all the dispensing materials must have a requisition form filled out by Supervisor or Manager and signed before giving out such products. Each department has a code or account for their usage, Its important to keep record of the Requisition Order form Daily. Daily stock inventories for minimum and maximum refills, Receiving local vendor orders stocking products in their location and maintaining reports of received items and prices. Dispensing fuel, Unleaded to Company trucks, Diesel for Dock usage. Butane tanks for Warehouse lift, recording each department and their usage of the Stock Room product for later refrence, Receiving vedor at the Receiving/ Shipping Location referring to the Purchase Order for quantitiy and prices and which department the order goes to. Always making a separate file for local vendors and Off Island vendors on B/Orders. To await for next shipment. Entering products and location in the MP2 system for later inventories. Loading Diesel to tanks and Unleaded fuel. Keeping the Oil Storage stocked and inventory on the reorder status, Dispensing fuel to the Maintenance Worker, all the dispensing materials must have a requistion form filled out by Supervisor or Manager and signed before giving out such products. Each department has a code or account for their usage, Its important to keep record of the Requistion Order form Daily.

I think you posted in the wrong section, Young Man.

This was in a job-seeking section of Craigslist...but I'm thinking this young fellow might be more accurately characterized as job-giving, potentially. And I didn't realize they were calling them "mentors" these days...

I am, however, pleased to see some equal opportunity in the Craigslist's resume section in that usually it's the ladies who are always trotting out just how attractive they are in their resumes.

"I'm In Need Of A Mentor/Job

Hello, I need a successful professional to mentor me. My name is Daniel, I'm 23 years of age. I'm looking for a job opportunity to present itself... I have a handsome appearance & am in excellent physical condition. I'm curious to find my place in a well paying occupation. I have confidence to assist you wherever needed, to benefit mutually. If you are interested in presenting an opportunity, I would be very greatful as I am in need of some help. I need to earn my keep to sustain & maintain my expenses without going under. If you can, please reply with some ideas or open doors. I have references & pictures if interested... Thanks"

Confidential Again to Mr. Pissy Pants

Mr. Pissy Pants, I called you to follow-up on your bitchy note. I called the number you provided on your resume, the resume you submitted for this potentially $100K/yr base plus some kinda bonus job.

When the voicemail answered, it informed me in your smoove playa voice, that if the person leaving the message was female, most likely the call would be returned. If the person leaving the call was not female, "maybe you will, maybe you won't" return the call. I was delighted that you made it so clear that due to my gender I was more likely to receive a call back.

I wonder, though, if maybe, contrary to your bitchy note, it isn't that the hiring manager never attempted to contact you, it's that she called this very same number, again, provided on your resume. And it's possible that rather than being delighted, she had visions of the future sexual harassment lawsuits you would inspire with your colossally poor judgment on when and where is it appropriate to get your game on, and just hung the hell up.

Confidential to Mr. Pissy-Pants

To the dude who just sent a bitchy note to a hiring manager complaining about her lack of response to his interview follow-up questions? And then who said at the end of said bitchy note that he hoped his bitchy note wouldn't impact his chance for future opportunities with the company?

Well, for one, you're right, it is crappy that she never responded to you.

But, yes, you're also right in your suspicion that when you clicked send, your chances at this company went up in flames. Indulging your indignation, however righteous, is rarely a fast track to a sign-on bonus.

E-mail in haste, repent at leisure, Bud.