To the dude who just sent a bitchy note to a hiring manager complaining about her lack of response to his interview follow-up questions? And then who said at the end of said bitchy note that he hoped his bitchy note wouldn't impact his chance for future opportunities with the company?
Well, for one, you're right, it is crappy that she never responded to you.
But, yes, you're also right in your suspicion that when you clicked send, your chances at this company went up in flames. Indulging your indignation, however righteous, is rarely a fast track to a sign-on bonus.
E-mail in haste, repent at leisure, Bud.
Showing posts with label Shut it. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shut it. Show all posts
Monday, January 29, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
File Under: Knowing When to Fold 'Em, Walk Away, Etc.
A while back, one of the After-Dark Ill-Suit's gigs was writing music reviews.
One day, I received a CD and a sheaf of accompanying materials. I mean, generally bands would include a little press blurb or something, but this band included nearly everything positive that had ever been committed to paper about themselves.
I listened to the CD and I did not like it. I didn't hate it, but it just wasn't all that great. So I had to write a not-great review.
(Aside: This might come as a shock to you, Reader, but I didn't really enjoy doing that. It's one thing to critique candidates when a) it's unlikely they will ever read this unless my regular Readers - AKA parents - both apply for a job with a company I recruit for AND make some embarrassing gaffe and b) I leave the candidates as anonymous as possible and change identifying details. But I don't actually want to make someone feel personally bad. In general, I was a bad reviewer because I was like a kindergarten teacher: "I'm sure they did the very best they could!" So for me to write a negative review...let's just say it took a lot.)
Anyway, I made the band verrrreeeee unhappy. And so they posted a rebuttal to my review on their website AND e-mailed me and my editor a link to their post.
At first, I was freaked out because they were hating on me - with first and last name - on their website and that's a little weird. I am a Good Girl People Pleaser and want everyone to like me. So at first, I felt a little bunched up about it, but the more I thought about it, the stupider it seemed that this band was so insecure that my one bad review on that one teeny website got them so worked up. (I also found it appropriate that - as my main criticism was they were too cerebral and wordy - their response was to WRITE an ESSAY. Like, aren't you rockers? Shouldn't you be too busy banging groupies and - I don't know - writing actual rock songs to compose counterpoint arguments with critics?)
What is my point and what does this have to do with looking for a job?
Well, a few candidates I've encountered in the past year have illuminated for me that what I experienced with the band - from the initial press kit through the denouement - is actually a kind of personality tic that comes up in recruiting.
The candidate who responds to my initial "Hey can I phone screen you?" with an e-mail that has forty-five attachments of, again, every positive thing that has been committed to paper about them, up to and including their second grade report card scanned into a PDF, will then inevitably be incapable of answering Yes/No questions with a Yes/No answer during the phone screen. Even simple questions like, "Have you ever worked for this company before?" will be met with a paragraph for an answer.
And then, if I have to reject the candidate, the INEVITABLE answer to my rejection note is: an argument of our assessment, frequently with a veiled criticism of me or the company.
If your time on the playground and/or in romantic relationships hasn't taught you this, I know that my attempt is probably futile, but generally, you cannot argue people into liking you better. You can present all the facts and figures you want, you can point out how flawed the other person is for Not Getting You (always a head-scratcher), but generally, at the point at which you either receive a bad review or an interview rejection letter is generally the point at which you have to let it go.
One day, I received a CD and a sheaf of accompanying materials. I mean, generally bands would include a little press blurb or something, but this band included nearly everything positive that had ever been committed to paper about themselves.
I listened to the CD and I did not like it. I didn't hate it, but it just wasn't all that great. So I had to write a not-great review.
(Aside: This might come as a shock to you, Reader, but I didn't really enjoy doing that. It's one thing to critique candidates when a) it's unlikely they will ever read this unless my regular Readers - AKA parents - both apply for a job with a company I recruit for AND make some embarrassing gaffe and b) I leave the candidates as anonymous as possible and change identifying details. But I don't actually want to make someone feel personally bad. In general, I was a bad reviewer because I was like a kindergarten teacher: "I'm sure they did the very best they could!" So for me to write a negative review...let's just say it took a lot.)
Anyway, I made the band verrrreeeee unhappy. And so they posted a rebuttal to my review on their website AND e-mailed me and my editor a link to their post.
At first, I was freaked out because they were hating on me - with first and last name - on their website and that's a little weird. I am a Good Girl People Pleaser and want everyone to like me. So at first, I felt a little bunched up about it, but the more I thought about it, the stupider it seemed that this band was so insecure that my one bad review on that one teeny website got them so worked up. (I also found it appropriate that - as my main criticism was they were too cerebral and wordy - their response was to WRITE an ESSAY. Like, aren't you rockers? Shouldn't you be too busy banging groupies and - I don't know - writing actual rock songs to compose counterpoint arguments with critics?)
What is my point and what does this have to do with looking for a job?
Well, a few candidates I've encountered in the past year have illuminated for me that what I experienced with the band - from the initial press kit through the denouement - is actually a kind of personality tic that comes up in recruiting.
The candidate who responds to my initial "Hey can I phone screen you?" with an e-mail that has forty-five attachments of, again, every positive thing that has been committed to paper about them, up to and including their second grade report card scanned into a PDF, will then inevitably be incapable of answering Yes/No questions with a Yes/No answer during the phone screen. Even simple questions like, "Have you ever worked for this company before?" will be met with a paragraph for an answer.
And then, if I have to reject the candidate, the INEVITABLE answer to my rejection note is: an argument of our assessment, frequently with a veiled criticism of me or the company.
If your time on the playground and/or in romantic relationships hasn't taught you this, I know that my attempt is probably futile, but generally, you cannot argue people into liking you better. You can present all the facts and figures you want, you can point out how flawed the other person is for Not Getting You (always a head-scratcher), but generally, at the point at which you either receive a bad review or an interview rejection letter is generally the point at which you have to let it go.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Aggravation Style Points: Older Gents
Although it is the holidays and I shouldn't be a-complainin', what with peace and love and all that, I haven't had a recruiting-related post in a few days and I feel itchy to get back on topic otherwise I might start talking about like dating or my new favorite hair-dryer or something.
So instead, I have to report that I have noticed that one particular variety of shaved monkey has once again distinguished itself.
I've already singled out the ladies, now it's time for the fellas, namely some of the older fellas. (By older, I mean, of course, older than me. Going by the dates on their resumes, I'm thinking a lot of these dudes are over 45.) I am seeing a trend of late with many of you. (And of course it goes without saying that it's not ALL of the older dudes, so if you are not guilty of the below, please don't get your knickers in a knot about it.)
Anyway, to the Older Gentlemen Who ARE Guilty of It? Let me finish my sentence.
Let
me
finish
my
goddamn
sentence.
These are the conversations I've been having with far too many of you all lately:
ME: This position is located in Upyerbutt, AR. Are you open to reloca...
YOU: Yes, my wife and I plan to relocate there.
ME: And what are your salary requir...
YOU: I'm looking for a $100K.
ME: And if an offer is extended, how soon would you...
YOU: Two weeks.
Look, I know I sound about all of thirteen on the phone, but I am not thirteen, and even if I were thirteen, why the hell shouldn't a thirteen-year-old be permitted to speak a sentence uninterrupted to its punctuation mark?
I realize my questions are quite predictable, but guess what else they are? Brief. I'm adding absolutely no extraneous comments, chit chat, falderol, etc. So just wait a nanosecond, let me take them to their natural conclusion, and when words have ceased to come from my mouth, that means it is YOUR turn to talk and present an answer. It's called courtesy.
You are all on notice. Moving forward, I will not be stopping. You can attempt to interrupt me, but if I am no longer going to stop talking just because you've decided it's my time to shut up. If I start a question, I'm going to finish the question, and talk right the f over you so you might as well let me do it. Consider yourself warned.
So instead, I have to report that I have noticed that one particular variety of shaved monkey has once again distinguished itself.
I've already singled out the ladies, now it's time for the fellas, namely some of the older fellas. (By older, I mean, of course, older than me. Going by the dates on their resumes, I'm thinking a lot of these dudes are over 45.) I am seeing a trend of late with many of you. (And of course it goes without saying that it's not ALL of the older dudes, so if you are not guilty of the below, please don't get your knickers in a knot about it.)
Anyway, to the Older Gentlemen Who ARE Guilty of It? Let me finish my sentence.
Let
me
finish
my
goddamn
sentence.
These are the conversations I've been having with far too many of you all lately:
ME: This position is located in Upyerbutt, AR. Are you open to reloca...
YOU: Yes, my wife and I plan to relocate there.
ME: And what are your salary requir...
YOU: I'm looking for a $100K.
ME: And if an offer is extended, how soon would you...
YOU: Two weeks.
Look, I know I sound about all of thirteen on the phone, but I am not thirteen, and even if I were thirteen, why the hell shouldn't a thirteen-year-old be permitted to speak a sentence uninterrupted to its punctuation mark?
I realize my questions are quite predictable, but guess what else they are? Brief. I'm adding absolutely no extraneous comments, chit chat, falderol, etc. So just wait a nanosecond, let me take them to their natural conclusion, and when words have ceased to come from my mouth, that means it is YOUR turn to talk and present an answer. It's called courtesy.
You are all on notice. Moving forward, I will not be stopping. You can attempt to interrupt me, but if I am no longer going to stop talking just because you've decided it's my time to shut up. If I start a question, I'm going to finish the question, and talk right the f over you so you might as well let me do it. Consider yourself warned.
Friday, December 01, 2006
In Praise of Formality
From cover letter:
"Before I began raising children, I had a brain and I had ambition, drive, and verve."
I know this candidate is trying to be chummy, but no. No. Just don't do it. Resist the urge to be cute.
"Before I began raising children, I had a brain and I had ambition, drive, and verve."
I know this candidate is trying to be chummy, but no. No. Just don't do it. Resist the urge to be cute.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
"Resume Headline: College grad wanting fun job that travels"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ahhhhh, youth. [Wipes away tears of laughter.]
It's not that it can't happen. One of my friends from high school has gotten precisely that life for herself. By being entrepreneurially-minded. By making it happen herself.
Youth = the serene trusting optimism inherent in thinking that making that your resume headline on Monster will get you that life.
As though there are recruiters and hiring managers in a corporate conference room somewhere, exhausted, rumpled, surrounded by coffee cups and bottles of water, one of them saying:
"How on EARTH are we going to attract job seekers? How are we going to fill these positions? I mean, they're just FUN. And involve TRAVEL. Who on earth is going to do THAT? For a PAYCHECK? Can somebody go check Monster again?"
Sits down dejectedly, tossing down the flip chart marker.
Ahhhhh, youth. [Wipes away tears of laughter.]
It's not that it can't happen. One of my friends from high school has gotten precisely that life for herself. By being entrepreneurially-minded. By making it happen herself.
Youth = the serene trusting optimism inherent in thinking that making that your resume headline on Monster will get you that life.
As though there are recruiters and hiring managers in a corporate conference room somewhere, exhausted, rumpled, surrounded by coffee cups and bottles of water, one of them saying:
"How on EARTH are we going to attract job seekers? How are we going to fill these positions? I mean, they're just FUN. And involve TRAVEL. Who on earth is going to do THAT? For a PAYCHECK? Can somebody go check Monster again?"
Sits down dejectedly, tossing down the flip chart marker.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Job Searching Tips, or, How Not to Aggravate a Recruiter - Part One: "Consider Your Audience"
I am, unfortunately, not indepedently wealthy. Therefore, I work for a living. My job is as a recruiter. A recruiter NOT a head-hunter, so quit yer bitching about head-hunters who done you wrong. I don't do that, I just screen people for particular positions.
I encounter some recurrent irritations in my interactions with The Public, aka, Great Unwashed. Sometimes I am hard up enough to continue to consider a candidate despite them, but for the most part, I feel these reflect a general lack of common sense or innate intelligence. Although it's certainly debatable whether most jobs in corporate America actually require either common sense or innate intelligence, let's just say if Candidate A has them and Candidate B does not, and they are otherwise evenly matched...Candidate B is getting a brush off e-mail.
So here's Part One of an infinite-part series about how to not jackass yourself out of a decent job.
YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A JOB, NOT A THERAPIST, SYMPATHETIC EAR OR FRIEND.
The recruiter does not care about extraneous personal details about your life.
Oh, sure I know there are some recruiters, those sweet midwestern girls named Heather and Amber who have 2.2 kids and a golden lab and go to church every Sunday, who might actually give a shit about the intricacies of your childcare schedule. But for every ten of them, there's one of me: a horrible, black-hearted misanthropic little troll who doesn't have the slightest interest in hearing about any of it. Of course, I NEED to know if there are hours you can't work, and I don't mind hearing briefly about why...but this is business, not a koffee klatch, so seriously. Just shut up.
In response to a query regarding your availability:
Do: "I can't work past 6:00 PM due to my childcare situation."
Don't: "Oh, see, we both work, and my husband works nights and my little boy is done with his childcare at 4 PM and see it's just me, we don't really have family in this town, and it's extra cost to leave him after hours..."
In response to a query regarding your planned relocation to the area in which the job is located:
Do: "I'm sorry, I realize I applied for this position, but I've realized that I cannot relocate in the near term due to a medical situation. Please keep my resume on file and I will touch base when I am able to consider positions in the area again."
Don't: "Yes I want to relocate to the area, but I must be truthful with you. I found out that I have to have a operation on my left shoulder because I have a torned rotor cup (ouch)! I need a new start because I have had several deaths in my immediate family. I have lost three family members. My father I lost just over a year ago; we were very close and it is very hard; I still miss him. Even though I have to have this procedure, I still would like to be considered for a position in your company. Please keep my paperwork and I will keep you abreast of what's going on with me."
(The second is something I have actually received. In response to a one-line e-mail. I do not know this person. And "torned?")
Thank you. Tune in soon for more shit to not do.
I encounter some recurrent irritations in my interactions with The Public, aka, Great Unwashed. Sometimes I am hard up enough to continue to consider a candidate despite them, but for the most part, I feel these reflect a general lack of common sense or innate intelligence. Although it's certainly debatable whether most jobs in corporate America actually require either common sense or innate intelligence, let's just say if Candidate A has them and Candidate B does not, and they are otherwise evenly matched...Candidate B is getting a brush off e-mail.
So here's Part One of an infinite-part series about how to not jackass yourself out of a decent job.
YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A JOB, NOT A THERAPIST, SYMPATHETIC EAR OR FRIEND.
The recruiter does not care about extraneous personal details about your life.
Oh, sure I know there are some recruiters, those sweet midwestern girls named Heather and Amber who have 2.2 kids and a golden lab and go to church every Sunday, who might actually give a shit about the intricacies of your childcare schedule. But for every ten of them, there's one of me: a horrible, black-hearted misanthropic little troll who doesn't have the slightest interest in hearing about any of it. Of course, I NEED to know if there are hours you can't work, and I don't mind hearing briefly about why...but this is business, not a koffee klatch, so seriously. Just shut up.
In response to a query regarding your availability:
Do: "I can't work past 6:00 PM due to my childcare situation."
Don't: "Oh, see, we both work, and my husband works nights and my little boy is done with his childcare at 4 PM and see it's just me, we don't really have family in this town, and it's extra cost to leave him after hours..."
In response to a query regarding your planned relocation to the area in which the job is located:
Do: "I'm sorry, I realize I applied for this position, but I've realized that I cannot relocate in the near term due to a medical situation. Please keep my resume on file and I will touch base when I am able to consider positions in the area again."
Don't: "Yes I want to relocate to the area, but I must be truthful with you. I found out that I have to have a operation on my left shoulder because I have a torned rotor cup (ouch)! I need a new start because I have had several deaths in my immediate family. I have lost three family members. My father I lost just over a year ago; we were very close and it is very hard; I still miss him. Even though I have to have this procedure, I still would like to be considered for a position in your company. Please keep my paperwork and I will keep you abreast of what's going on with me."
(The second is something I have actually received. In response to a one-line e-mail. I do not know this person. And "torned?")
Thank you. Tune in soon for more shit to not do.
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