"I'M MARRIED I'M MARRIED!!!!!!!!"

I've never understood the whole "I've been planning my wedding since I was a little girl!" thing. I don't know why but I never had those fantasies. Probably because I always feel like a drag queen or Easter Peep when I am in a dress that's not black and tailored so the typical images really didn't, ya know, speak to my aesthetic. (You can take the girl out of art school in Manhattan, but you cannot scrub the art school in Manhattan out of the girl. Or, who knows, maybe you can but I haven't found the right solvent yet.)

And it's not just the wedding, just thinking of the concept of marriage makes me feel like I have a too-tight wool turtleneck on.

But I get that it's some people's thing, like MOST people's thing. I realize I'm the weirdo in this situation.

And today I think I came across the resume of my polar opposite, the Bizarro Ill-Suit. This woman appears to be so THRILLED to finally have gotten married (four years ago) she had to reference it not once, not twice, but SEVEN TIMES. ON HER RESUME. Like it's 1947 and she wants to assure the Boss Man she's not one of those slutty Career Girls or something.

The references are as follows:

• References Maiden Name vs. Now Married Name
  
• References Marital Status (Guess what? MARRIED!!)
• Includes Spouse Name
• Includes Date of Marriage
• Indicates Relocation due to "Spouse's Employment"
• Indicates Relocation due to "Fiance's Employment"
• Indicates Relocation due to "Engagement"

So...um...I guess, Congratulations, Candidate!