Showing posts with label Extraneous Capitalizer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Extraneous Capitalizer. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
BREAKING!! Extraneous Capitalizer, Still Looking for Work, No Longer Capitalizing
Soooo...I think Extraneous Capitalizer has opted for "Sentence Case" instead of "Title Case" for her latest posting, but despite these being confidential postings, I am still pretty sure this is all the same person. Her little looking-for-work-by-outlining-my-bitterness-at-the-inexorable-march-of-time-in-poetic-format postings have become like my favorite Easter Egg of the resume search.
"Great at screening calls and getting the
messages straight.
Sharp dresser!
I don't have kids.
I don't have a husband who calls me
at work.
I arrive to work with a great "Can Do"
type of attitude with the cellphone
shut off during business hours.
Tired of the young girls who bring
nothing but drama to the office
and do not work?
I never make any personal calls at
work, I am outgoing and organized. "
I have two questions, Reader:
"Great at screening calls and getting the
messages straight.
Sharp dresser!
I don't have kids.
I don't have a husband who calls me
at work.
I arrive to work with a great "Can Do"
type of attitude with the cellphone
shut off during business hours.
Tired of the young girls who bring
nothing but drama to the office
and do not work?
I never make any personal calls at
work, I am outgoing and organized. "
I have two questions, Reader:
- How many cats do you think she has?
- How long do you think it will be before she mentions them?
Friday, April 20, 2007
Extraneous Capitalizer Is Back!
She's posted again and she is ready to get all highly specific on your ass:
"English Speaking Receptionist With A Voice Like An Angel
English Speaking Receptionist With A Beautiful
Phone Voice Willing To Work Hard For The Money.
I Will List What My Strenths And Weaknesses
Are So You Do Not Waste Your Time.
Please Do Not Email Unless I Meet Your Criteria
And You Meet My Criteria.
Strengths:
Great Phone Voice.
Strong Work Ethics.
No Drama Brought To The Office.
Cellphone Is Left In My Car.
Sack Lunch Brought To Work.
Organized.
Ability To Multi-Task And Finish Duties
In Order Of Priority.
Outgoing Personality.
Reliable.
Efficient.
Fast On The Phones.
Always Pleasant To Clients Even If
They Are Difficult To Deal With.
Great "Can Do" Attitude.
Give 110% At Work.
No Children.
In General A Superstar Type
Of Attitude.
Mature, Engergy Of A Young
Girl, Years In The Workforce,
Traveled First Class All Over
The World.
(These Are Equivalent To A
College Degree,Beleive Me) [Ed Note: Except for the college-teaching-you-how-to-spell-"believe" part]
I Have Qualities That Cannot
Be Trained Or Learned On A
Computer Software.
Weaknesses:
I Do Not Type Very Fast.
I Am Not Young.
I Am Not Sexy Looking.
I Am Not A Bookeeper.
I Will Not Pay For Parking.
I Will Not Accept Any Position
At A Mortgage Company.
Real Estate Development Fine.
I Will Only Accept 40 Hours Per Week."
This is all unfortunate because I am actually looking for a Sexy Single Mom Bookkeeper Who Goes Out To Lunch, Argues With Her Boyfriend On Her Cell During Business Hours And Has The Voice Of Suzanne Pleshette To Work Overtime At My Mortgage Company With Street (Metered) Parking.
"English Speaking Receptionist With A Voice Like An Angel
English Speaking Receptionist With A Beautiful
Phone Voice Willing To Work Hard For The Money.
I Will List What My Strenths And Weaknesses
Are So You Do Not Waste Your Time.
Please Do Not Email Unless I Meet Your Criteria
And You Meet My Criteria.
Strengths:
Great Phone Voice.
Strong Work Ethics.
No Drama Brought To The Office.
Cellphone Is Left In My Car.
Sack Lunch Brought To Work.
Organized.
Ability To Multi-Task And Finish Duties
In Order Of Priority.
Outgoing Personality.
Reliable.
Efficient.
Fast On The Phones.
Always Pleasant To Clients Even If
They Are Difficult To Deal With.
Great "Can Do" Attitude.
Give 110% At Work.
No Children.
In General A Superstar Type
Of Attitude.
Mature, Engergy Of A Young
Girl, Years In The Workforce,
Traveled First Class All Over
The World.
(These Are Equivalent To A
College Degree,Beleive Me) [Ed Note: Except for the college-teaching-you-how-to-spell-"believe" part]
I Have Qualities That Cannot
Be Trained Or Learned On A
Computer Software.
Weaknesses:
I Do Not Type Very Fast.
I Am Not Young.
I Am Not Sexy Looking.
I Am Not A Bookeeper.
I Will Not Pay For Parking.
I Will Not Accept Any Position
At A Mortgage Company.
Real Estate Development Fine.
I Will Only Accept 40 Hours Per Week."
This is all unfortunate because I am actually looking for a Sexy Single Mom Bookkeeper Who Goes Out To Lunch, Argues With Her Boyfriend On Her Cell During Business Hours And Has The Voice Of Suzanne Pleshette To Work Overtime At My Mortgage Company With Street (Metered) Parking.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Expert At Extraneous Capitalizing Of All Words And Prose Written In Form Of Poetry
From seeking-work posting, formatting intact.
"Front Office Receptionist Looking For
A Position Answering Phones As Well
As Performing Other Administrative
Tasks To Keep Busy.
Looking For The Right Company Who
Will Not Discriminate Because I Am
Not Skinny Or Twenty Two Years Old.
Hard Worker,No Nonsense Woman Who
Needs A Job, Ready To Settle Down
Into A Basic Job.
Have Lived Life In The Fast Lane
Already! Want A Job That Is Not
High Powered Or Full Of Stress."
"Front Office Receptionist Looking For
A Position Answering Phones As Well
As Performing Other Administrative
Tasks To Keep Busy.
Looking For The Right Company Who
Will Not Discriminate Because I Am
Not Skinny Or Twenty Two Years Old.
Hard Worker,No Nonsense Woman Who
Needs A Job, Ready To Settle Down
Into A Basic Job.
Have Lived Life In The Fast Lane
Already! Want A Job That Is Not
High Powered Or Full Of Stress."
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