Friday, April 20, 2007

Extraneous Capitalizer Is Back!

She's posted again and she is ready to get all highly specific on your ass:

"English Speaking Receptionist With A Voice Like An Angel

English Speaking Receptionist With A Beautiful
Phone Voice Willing To Work Hard For The Money.
I Will List What My Strenths And Weaknesses
Are So You Do Not Waste Your Time.
Please Do Not Email Unless I Meet Your Criteria
And You Meet My Criteria.

Great Phone Voice.
Strong Work Ethics.
No Drama Brought To The Office.
Cellphone Is Left In My Car.
Sack Lunch Brought To Work.
Ability To Multi-Task And Finish Duties
In Order Of Priority.
Outgoing Personality.
Fast On The Phones.
Always Pleasant To Clients Even If
They Are Difficult To Deal With.
Great "Can Do" Attitude.
Give 110% At Work.
No Children.
In General A Superstar Type
Of Attitude.
Mature, Engergy Of A Young
Girl, Years In The Workforce,
Traveled First Class All Over
The World.
(These Are Equivalent To A
College Degree,Beleive Me)
[Ed Note: Except for the college-teaching-you-how-to-spell-"believe" part]

I Have Qualities That Cannot
Be Trained Or Learned On A
Computer Software.

I Do Not Type Very Fast.
I Am Not Young.
I Am Not Sexy Looking.
I Am Not A Bookeeper.
I Will Not Pay For Parking.
I Will Not Accept Any Position
At A Mortgage Company.
Real Estate Development Fine.
I Will Only Accept 40 Hours Per Week."

This is all unfortunate because I am actually looking for a Sexy Single Mom Bookkeeper Who Goes Out To Lunch, Argues With Her Boyfriend On Her Cell During Business Hours And Has The Voice Of Suzanne Pleshette To Work Overtime At My Mortgage Company With Street (Metered) Parking.


AngryMan said...

I always thought it was a strong work ethic, but apparently, it is a "strong work ethics." You learn something every day.

Ill-Suit said...

I'm glad you mentioned that. Little known English usage trivia: It's "work ethic" if you're just, you know, sort of a hard worker. But if you know, you're like a SUPER hard worker, the ethic gets so big it starts to collapse in on itself so it has to split into two ethics, ergo, "work ethics."

This is a rare phenomenon, and is usually only associated with Mature Ladies With The Engergy Of Young Girl. (The "engergy," by the way, is a special gland that produces the work ethic.)

AngryMan said...

That's amazing. The ethic has an ethic all its own. How wonderfully bizarre.