From a Craigslist "Resume":
"Need Someone to Walk/Bike Long Distances or Just Do a Lot of Walking?
I am accustomed to walking 5-10 or more miles per day. I enjoy walking and being outdoors. I'm not sure what kind of jobs would need this, but if you have one, please let me know! I'm open to any suggestions. I'm 22, female, quite strong, and very bright. If the position you're looking to fill does not require walking, feel free to contact me anyway as I do need to start working soon. No sales jobs, please. Thank you very much! : ) "
And that's it!
Well, sure! I'll be sure to contact you for any non-sales jobs I might have that do or do not require walking. I guess I know you can...um...walk...and...type emoticons. Great!
Craigslist...well, it's almost too easy, you know? I'm reluctant to really make a whole post out of the general economy-sized bag of nuts that is Craigslist but what blog about recruiting would be complete without mentioning it?
Gawker did a periodic piece where they would take a certain section of Craigslist - like "Missed Connections" or "Holiday Gigs", and make a pie chart out of some breakdown of the postings. I could make you a pie chart too...but...yeah, I'm not going to. How about a bulleted list? That I can do.
So here is my breakdown of resume themes as posted on Craigslist:
- Normal people looking for normal work in a normal way (snoozers!).
- People who feel that this is the most effective way to find a job: tell you about some bad shit that happened to them and then say they need a job. (End of post. No listing of any experience, education, possible benefit to the employer, etc.)
- People who are looking for a job. But can only work 6.33 hrs. per week. And only when the moon is waning. And the job must be on their bus route. And they can't work for people named "Ken" or who wear purple. And they need you to know they only eat string cheese so if you have a problem with that then maybe this isn't going to work out. You know, like Extraneous Capitalizer.
- People who sorta wanna work in some field, you know, like they'd really like to get into real estate appraisal but they don't have any experience...or they're really good at tying shoelaces do you have anything that requires tying shoelaces?...or they just want a "survival" job while they pursue their real passion...do you have anything like that? End of posting.
Since I'm obviously phoning it in today, please write your own "Gee I wonder why they're unemployed" punchline.