From an entertainment perspective.
Don't know if this could actually land you a job, but kudos, sir, for sheer balls-to-the-wall gumption:
"5,000 A MONTH & I'LL DO ANYTHING EXCEPT SHOOT YOUR WIFE"
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Was this written by a human...
...or an automated corporate buzzword generator? Your guess is as good as mine.
"[Redacted] is a highly dynamic and proactive agent of change who can rapidly visualize world-class methods of empowerment, while interactively maintaining ethical e-services. She is the only person I've ever met who can both optimize multidisciplinary architectures and assertively cultivate process-centric bandwidth."
I could possibly try to figure out what concept is actually being communicated in that final sentence. I could also tear my own fingernails out with pliers but I'm not going to do that either.
"[Redacted] is a highly dynamic and proactive agent of change who can rapidly visualize world-class methods of empowerment, while interactively maintaining ethical e-services. She is the only person I've ever met who can both optimize multidisciplinary architectures and assertively cultivate process-centric bandwidth."
I could possibly try to figure out what concept is actually being communicated in that final sentence. I could also tear my own fingernails out with pliers but I'm not going to do that either.
I think you posted in the wrong section, Young Man.
This was in a job-seeking section of Craigslist...but I'm thinking this young fellow might be more accurately characterized as job-giving, potentially. And I didn't realize they were calling them "mentors" these days...
I am, however, pleased to see some equal opportunity in the Craigslist's resume section in that usually it's the ladies who are always trotting out just how attractive they are in their resumes.
"I'm In Need Of A Mentor/Job
Hello, I need a successful professional to mentor me. My name is Daniel, I'm 23 years of age. I'm looking for a job opportunity to present itself... I have a handsome appearance & am in excellent physical condition. I'm curious to find my place in a well paying occupation. I have confidence to assist you wherever needed, to benefit mutually. If you are interested in presenting an opportunity, I would be very greatful as I am in need of some help. I need to earn my keep to sustain & maintain my expenses without going under. If you can, please reply with some ideas or open doors. I have references & pictures if interested... Thanks"
I am, however, pleased to see some equal opportunity in the Craigslist's resume section in that usually it's the ladies who are always trotting out just how attractive they are in their resumes.
"I'm In Need Of A Mentor/Job
Hello, I need a successful professional to mentor me. My name is Daniel, I'm 23 years of age. I'm looking for a job opportunity to present itself... I have a handsome appearance & am in excellent physical condition. I'm curious to find my place in a well paying occupation. I have confidence to assist you wherever needed, to benefit mutually. If you are interested in presenting an opportunity, I would be very greatful as I am in need of some help. I need to earn my keep to sustain & maintain my expenses without going under. If you can, please reply with some ideas or open doors. I have references & pictures if interested... Thanks"
Monday, June 25, 2007
Can you please pick me up some Fritos and a fountain Diet Coke on your way to work?
No pokin' fun here, just appreciating the awsometacularity of this address from a job-seeker's recent resume (modified somewhat to protect the innocent but crucial bits left intact and emphasized).
"Address 21, 14th Main,
Seddi Layout,
Main Road,
Near Banaswadi Petrol Pump,
Bangalore"
Microwave burritos for all!
"Address 21, 14th Main,
Seddi Layout,
Main Road,
Near Banaswadi Petrol Pump,
Bangalore"
Microwave burritos for all!
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
The Bi-Annual Arbitrary and Resounding Yes
Once every six months or so, I stumble across something that ostensibly should get my dander up. Something that violates one of my harsh and unyielding rules and ergo deserves the usual withering scorn and what-have-you.
But, periodically, when the moon is in the Seventh House or something, I am not outraged by a transgression, I am instead charmed or amused or otherwise have an emotion towards a job-seeker that could be characterized as positive.
I know, it's a little disappointing to me too. I strive for consistency.
So the planets have aligned just right this week and so when I saw the below...
"we are italian pizzamakers
hi! we're 3 italian boys, we come from Naples! we're looking for a job in a restaurant, with any assignment, we play italian or Neapolitan classical music! we are piazzamakers and piazzaiolo. "
...I wished I had an Italian restaurant in which to employ the cheerful three Italian boys who not only make pizza but also play Italian or Neapolitan classical music!
It probably helps that I imagine that they are either a) unbearably hot or b) look like the Mario Brothers.
But, periodically, when the moon is in the Seventh House or something, I am not outraged by a transgression, I am instead charmed or amused or otherwise have an emotion towards a job-seeker that could be characterized as positive.
I know, it's a little disappointing to me too. I strive for consistency.
So the planets have aligned just right this week and so when I saw the below...
"we are italian pizzamakers
hi! we're 3 italian boys, we come from Naples! we're looking for a job in a restaurant, with any assignment, we play italian or Neapolitan classical music! we are piazzamakers and piazzaiolo. "
...I wished I had an Italian restaurant in which to employ the cheerful three Italian boys who not only make pizza but also play Italian or Neapolitan classical music!
It probably helps that I imagine that they are either a) unbearably hot or b) look like the Mario Brothers.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Because work is all...work-like n shit...
From Craigslist's (sigh) resume posting, listed in location "RICH PEOPLE:"
"I know this may sound king of lame and all but I need someone willing to give me $15,000. I'm that much in debt with credit cards and I have nothing to pay for them. I did have a job but it's gone now. I'm trying and trying to get another job but I've had no luck. Now all my bills are due and that amount is increasing each month. Is there anyone out there willing to give me some of their money so I can at least pay all of it or half? I know you're saying get a job and all but damn I've been trying and trying, so I figured I've give this a shot and see if there are generous people out there willing to share an amount of money with me without asking for anything in return. Please, someone help me out. Thank you. I live in Riverside, CA and thought maybe L.A. county would be a good place to put this. Thank you very much. Julie"
#1? Yes, that does sound king of lame.
#2? So you have crippling credit card debt? Welcome to the USA, Sweetie. And I have three jobs to work off mine so suck it. Try harder.
#3? "Without asking anything in return"? You can't at least offer to clean a house, pay it back in ten years, name a first child after them, something? WTF?
"I know this may sound king of lame and all but I need someone willing to give me $15,000. I'm that much in debt with credit cards and I have nothing to pay for them. I did have a job but it's gone now. I'm trying and trying to get another job but I've had no luck. Now all my bills are due and that amount is increasing each month. Is there anyone out there willing to give me some of their money so I can at least pay all of it or half? I know you're saying get a job and all but damn I've been trying and trying, so I figured I've give this a shot and see if there are generous people out there willing to share an amount of money with me without asking for anything in return. Please, someone help me out. Thank you. I live in Riverside, CA and thought maybe L.A. county would be a good place to put this. Thank you very much. Julie"
#1? Yes, that does sound king of lame.
#2? So you have crippling credit card debt? Welcome to the USA, Sweetie. And I have three jobs to work off mine so suck it. Try harder.
#3? "Without asking anything in return"? You can't at least offer to clean a house, pay it back in ten years, name a first child after them, something? WTF?
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
On the bright side...
...although I have spent the past three weeks silently changing "vender" to "vendor" and correcting endless misuses of the word "there" because I am far too filled with outrage that my underling (not selected by me, naturally) doesn't know these things to approach her in any sort of friendly and/or effective manner...
...it still beats talking to the goddamn public.
Regular posting to resume soon.
In the meantime, Candidates, please note that if you choose to have a resume headline that says:
"Asian female bartender....kind of."
You make me less interested in finding out about your skills and abilities and more curious about exactly WHICH word - Asian, female or bartender - "kind of" is in reference to.
...it still beats talking to the goddamn public.
Regular posting to resume soon.
In the meantime, Candidates, please note that if you choose to have a resume headline that says:
"Asian female bartender....kind of."
You make me less interested in finding out about your skills and abilities and more curious about exactly WHICH word - Asian, female or bartender - "kind of" is in reference to.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
