Job Searching Tips, or, How Not to Aggravate a Recruiter - Part One: "Consider Your Audience"

I am, unfortunately, not indepedently wealthy. Therefore, I work for a living. My job is as a recruiter. A recruiter NOT a head-hunter, so quit yer bitching about head-hunters who done you wrong. I don't do that, I just screen people for particular positions.

I encounter some recurrent irritations in my interactions with The Public, aka, Great Unwashed. Sometimes I am hard up enough to continue to consider a candidate despite them, but for the most part, I feel these reflect a general lack of common sense or innate intelligence. Although it's certainly debatable whether most jobs in corporate America actually require either common sense or innate intelligence, let's just say if Candidate A has them and Candidate B does not, and they are otherwise evenly matched...Candidate B is getting a brush off e-mail.

So here's Part One of an infinite-part series about how to not jackass yourself out of a decent job.

YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A JOB, NOT A THERAPIST, SYMPATHETIC EAR OR FRIEND.


The recruiter does not care about extraneous personal details about your life.

Oh, sure I know there are some recruiters, those sweet midwestern girls named Heather and Amber who have 2.2 kids and a golden lab and go to church every Sunday, who might actually give a shit about the intricacies of your childcare schedule. But for every ten of them, there's one of me: a horrible, black-hearted misanthropic little troll who doesn't have the slightest interest in hearing about any of it. Of course, I NEED to know if there are hours you can't work, and I don't mind hearing briefly about why...but this is business, not a koffee klatch, so seriously. Just shut up.

In response to a query regarding your availability:
Do: "I can't work past 6:00 PM due to my childcare situation."
Don't: "Oh, see, we both work, and my husband works nights and my little boy is done with his childcare at 4 PM and see it's just me, we don't really have family in this town, and it's extra cost to leave him after hours..."


In response to a query regarding your planned relocation to the area in which the job is located:
Do: "I'm sorry, I realize I applied for this position, but I've realized that I cannot relocate in the near term due to a medical situation. Please keep my resume on file and I will touch base when I am able to consider positions in the area again."
Don't: "Yes I want to relocate to the area, but I must be truthful with you. I found out that I have to have a operation on my left shoulder because I have a torned rotor cup (ouch)! I need a new start because I have had several deaths in my immediate family. I have lost three family members. My father I lost just over a year ago; we were very close and it is very hard; I still miss him. Even though I have to have this procedure, I still would like to be considered for a position in your company. Please keep my paperwork and I will keep you abreast of what's going on with me."

(The second is something I have actually received. In response to a one-line e-mail. I do not know this person. And "torned?")

Thank you. Tune in soon for more shit to not do.